Fifteen years ago, in a yoga class, the concept of “radical acceptance” first crossed my path. Tara Brach’s book on the topic was referenced along with this powerful idea: “Radical acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our life as it is.”
At the time, I hadn’t fully embraced the full extent of what a yoga practice could offer. I believed I could cherry-pick what poses and concepts resonated with me, without approaching the others with curiosity. So, I quickly decided that radical acceptance didn’t sit well with my strategy-inspired, goal-setting mindset. I saw it as giving up. Not for me.
Little did I know, my resistance to the concept of radical acceptance was probably a lesson in itself.
But life had lessons in store for me, ones that would chip away at my resistance to the concept. Slowly and ungracefully, I began to understand. Radical acceptance wasn’t about passivity; it was about wisdom. It meant relating to life from a more compassionate, wiser place when observing the layers and complexities within most situations. Embracing acceptance meant facing uncomfortable truths, quickly followed by emotions I’d much rather push away: sadness, loss, and grief.
Acceptance didn’t come radically. I’m still eagerly waiting for that day. But I started to warm up to the challenge of accepting circumstances as they were, not as I wished them to be. Soon, I learned to lean into acceptance with less resistance. I learned to tend to the emotions that surfaced when resistance faded. I accepted that some paths don’t lead where we hoped, and that was okay. Not comfortable. Not desirable. Not what I wished for. But still okay. As I did, my internal world grew just a little more peaceful.
I learned the work of radical acceptance extends beyond circumstances. It applies to our thoughts and emotions too. I had to accept that certain thoughts were unhelpful, especially those that fit with others’ values and not my own. Those thoughts came with the belief that I could control every outcome one way or another. That goal-setting mindset was learning a thing or two about the skill of discernment amongst the complexities of life.
Lately, I’ve been revisiting the work of radical acceptance as I learn to sit with a new wave of emotions. It still takes intentionality to open up to uncomfortable emotions, remembering not to judge them or worry about their permanence. I trust they’ll dissipate with time. Radical acceptance remains a journey, but its value is clear. It is teaching me to navigate life’s twists and turns with less resistance, reminding me that acceptance isn’t resignation; it’s wisdom in action.
