If there is one thing that drives me BERSERK, it’s seeing my kids blindly scrolling their Instagram feeds to “connect” with their friends, sleeping in until almost noon, or zoning out on screens in general, especially on a beautiful day they could be playing outside. To say I go ballistic is an understatement. What is it about these choices that wakes the monster inside of me? My inner monster is one of judgement, criticism, and control. I must admit, she’s not a very fun monster to be around.
I recently read something about laziness that struck a cord inside of me. It was from a book of Zen Osho readings, and pictured a person kicked back on the beach with an umbrella drink in hand, wearing pink fuzzy slippers, thinking, “Aaaaah, I have finally arrived.” What this figure failed to notice is how the world around her was crumbling, as she rested on the laurels of “having arrived.” Arrived – where? I had to ask myself, “Did I feel my kids were being lazy and, moreover, reflecting a quality inside of me that I didn’t like? Was I reaching for an elusive destination or pattern to keep busy in order to feel more self-worth?”
I trudged down a path of inquiry. Along the way, I stumbled across plenty of articles and books on the positive points of being idle, letting the creative juices flow through procrastination, and allowing time for “doing nothing.” I, too, subscribe to the positive benefits of having open space and time to create, to slow down, to think different. Yet, I hold a belief that laziness is being dull and lackluster. I want to live a life that feels awake, alive, and alert – and offer opportunities for my children to do the same. Is this simply a matter of looking at energy in different ways?
One definition of Mindful Parenting, suggested by Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, is “awareness that emerges through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.” I believe this to be true: paying attention, being alert, and alive to the experience of living.
For me, the trick is to observe where and when the monster awakens, without viewing laziness or alertness as bad or good. What matters most is connecting with my kids and supporting habits that create a sense of expansive, abundant, and radiant energy. When the Bossy Buffalo mommy monster awakens at the site of her little screen zombies, it’s time to invite the Creature of Curiosity, or my Wise Wolf. I want my little zombies to feel their self-worth, independent of how many likes they attract. To help them feel aware of what fills them with passion and a sense of adventure, we check-in with these questions:
- On a scale of 1 – 10 (10 = high), how much energy do you feel, here and now?
- What did you learn?
- What will provide you with more energy in this moment?
Sometimes they answer “more screen time,” at which we have a good giggle and nonjudgmentally engage in a tickle war. Works every time.
