Pema Chodron’s explanation of the Sanskrit word maitri, “unconditional friendship with oneself,” is based on compassion.. This can be hard to come by. It’s much more common that we denigrate or disapprove of ourselves. Maitri is about beginning to make friends with ourselves without waiting for it to come from the outside. We usually look all over the place for things to make us feel good about ourselves, we cling to them, yet maitri is about feeling at home with your own mind and in your own body.
Developing maitri is the seed of happiness. In her book Comfortable with Uncertainty, Chodron describes four qualities that are developed with practice. These qualities can solidify when we meditate, practice yoga, and when we are faced with challenges in our daily lives. They are:
- Steadfastness: Determination is a way to develop loyalty with ourselves in body and mind. Taking the time to pause, listen, and notice is a helpful way to invest in the self.
- Clear seeing: Honesty is another way of saying that we have less self-deception. If we commit to practicing this daily, we slowly begin to be very honest with ourselves.
- Experiencing our emotional distress: This is an invitation to vulnerability. We practice leaning into our emotions, experiencing them, and leaving them as they are – without letting them reproduce. We need steadiness to practice opening the fearful heart to the restlessness of our own energy. We learn to live with the experience of our own emotional distress.
- Attention to the present moment: By practicing presence, we are making a choice to be fully here. Attending to our present-moment mind and body is a way of being tender toward ourselves, toward others, and toward the world. This quality of attention is inherent in our ability to love.
During this year of uncertainty, fear, and isolation, we are given an opportunity. We can steady ourselves by practicing these principles. We can move toward peace if we choose to pay attention.
