We engage in different situations every day. Some days are wonderful, while others days are good, just okay, challenging, or downright difficult. Often, our relationships and interactions with others determine how our day is. Complicated situations and relationships may be something we need to deal with every day. Sometimes, the toughest relationships can be found in our own homes, and the people we love the most can be the most challenging.
Conflict separates families and friends. We all know that when moods escalate, we may say things we don’t mean to say, which can turn into a regrettable experience. If there is conflict, we may find ourselves confronted with feelings of disappointment, resentment, rejection, anger, stress, or even depression. Can I forgive that person? Moreover, can I forgive myself? And, how do we handle offenses and their lasting consequences?
The process of forgiveness has different components, as explained by Fred Luskin Ph.D., cofounder and director of the Stanford University’s Forgiveness Project. In his research, for which he outlines nine essential steps, he explains, “The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt, depression, and stress.”
Among his steps, he suggests:
- understanding your feelings
- committing to feeling better
- seeking peace; taking things less personally
- stepping back and getting perspective
- letting go of expectations
- redirecting your energy
- choosing happiness
- changing how you look at the past
We all know how difficult it can be, but embracing forgiveness offers generous benefits; including, improved physical health and relationships, as well as influencing our attitudes for better perspective. In my own experience, forgiveness has moved me away from a place of suffering, to a place of possibilities. Imagine forgiveness as an opportunity to free ourselves and lessen the intense overload we feel inside.
Forgiveness is an opportunity to experience greater compassion, peace, and love in our lives. Our peace of mind (and heart) doesn’t have a price tag and our precious time on this planet is temporary. Mindfully and wholehearted, we can choose to make positive changes that will benefit not only ourselves, but other people in our lives, too. Our relationships may not be perfect, but leaning into the possibility of forgiveness can offer us a new perspective. Putting aside the pain and hurt feelings, consider what it would be like to let go of grudges. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation, but opening our hearts to the nature of change and resiliency.
