We all have different reasons for practicing yoga, different paths that led us to find the practice. Many start for physical (even superficial) benefits, only to realize the profound, spiritual insights that are also accessible through asana and meditation. Meanwhile, others have to hit their knees before they become open to these rewards. As Rumi described, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” In this column, teachers and students alike will contribute deeply-personal accounts of their own yoga journeys, how they found the practice, and why they stay committed to it. Thank you for holding the space and allowing them to share their truths.

I remember it well: 2014 was the year my life fell apart.

It’s not like I hadn’t overcome challenges before, yet, this particular time emerged as the crack that took the structure down. Many spiritual teachers agree that suffering can be the doorway to awareness. For some, the awakening may be through health events, losing someone dear, getting laid off, being in a life-changing accident, or simply visualizing something of the like, but different for yourself.

My world crumbled by heartbreak. It was at a time when my marriage of almost ten years was hanging onto pretty weak links, although, I kept trying to put “makeup” on it and fake believe it was alright. I actually kept telling myself the puzzle pieces would come together eventually (if only for the sake of our daughter).

The discovery that my ex-husband was having an affair took me down into a two-year semi-depression. I fell into an abyss of uncertainty, fear, sadness, loneliness, and terrible thoughts about harming his new girlfriend (whom I knew well). I confess, I even had some suicidal thoughts. Reflecting back on this time, I can see how disconnected I was from my intuition, and, even worse, who I was becoming in an attempt to salvage the relationship. I had to make the same mistake many times before learning my lesson. I progressed through enough emotional work and healing, and offered myself enough forgiveness and compassion to finally break the pattern. After several decades of gliding from one long-term relationship to another, life was giving me the opportunity to work on the most important one – the one I was lacking with myself.

My yoga practice started to steer more into the philosophical aspects of it. I became an avid learner of the Yoga Sutras; what we loosely translate as the Yogic Principles or “Ten Commandments of Yoga.” (Note: These principles are more of subjective guidelines to help us navigate our thoughts, words, and actions than strict commandments one must obey.) I was in need of something to hold me while I was falling, and the yamas, or “attitudes toward the world,” and niyamas, “attitudes toward self,” gradually came to rescue me, leading me on my new path.

I decided to challenge myself: Can I practice these in my thoughts, words, and actions?

I started a regular meditation practice which led to the realization that the healing process starts inland and is not linear. As I started taking my practice seriously, offering myself compassion and forgiveness for having “failed” and listening to my gut, my true being emerged. In turn, I took on these guidelines as my non-negotiables.

Here are some things I learned, as I surrendered to the unknown Divine and committed to my spiritual devotion. Cleanliness brought a purification through letting go of many material things from the past, plus the understanding that some people are not meant to be in my new path. (Making peace with that took some time and more purification.) My new path requires intention and creating new connections rooted in the values of non-harming and truthfulness. These new relationships are founded on vulnerability, honesty, love, and nonjudgement, and this basis forces me to be conscious, alert, fully engaged, and present. Finally, I am practicing becoming a better listener everyday. I find silence and giving attention with my whole body to be an art. Can you challenge yourself to listen fully with all your being to someone today? – to yourself? Try it.

This path is healing. This path is new. This path has taken me to a place of joy and peace. In the words of Pema Chodron, “I fail, I fail again, I fail better.” I know now this world is our lab, our exploration pad, and relationships are intricate yet beautiful.

Here are some additional resources that greatly served me during this difficult time:

• “Living The Sutras” by Kelly DiNardo and Amy Pierce Hayden
• “A New Earth” by Eckart Tolle
• “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron