The current pandemic has brought new challenges to our lives. We often think of family members and friends we cannot see and miss dearly. Physical distancing keeps us away from our loved ones and those who bring meaning to our lives.

Unfortunately, for many, there is another layer to that scenario. We all have people in our lives that have challenged us, perhaps someone we’re currently having difficulties or differences with. Some of us may have had a relationship end abruptly, meaning they no longer have contact with someone that was once close to them. Having to live with that might make this time of isolation even more difficult.

What can we do when our hearts are longing for reconciliation, when we might be feeling a desire to reconnect with someone estranged from us? The pain might feel so unbearable that you might not be ready to forgive. (Read more about forgiveness here.) Here are three things to understand about reconciliation: 

1. Know that you are not alone. I often think of the number of people who may want to genuinely reconcile, but because of concerns and predicaments of life, they think they shouldn’t and yet, they wished they had! In different ways, all of us may have had a similar experience.
2. Know your goodness within. Reconciliation does not mean you have to lower your core values and beliefs all the way down to the floor and accept the situation. Rather, reconciliation opens a door to possibilities and explores the goodness of your heart to move on with your life. For example, compare the real situation to what brings you peace within. Perhaps it is better to look at the situation with different eyes and see if you can find what brings calm and ease to your heart.
3. Know you are worthy of love. Managing difficult emotions is hard, especially when we feel others are crossing our boundaries. Know that carrying inner disappointment, sadness, and guilt can cause so much overwhelm that living with purpose might feel unessential for some. We need to find ways to flip the coin, for the benefit of everyone involved. 

During times like this when things are upside down, we want to find ways to ease our hearts and minds. To reconcile, consider that the other person does not need to know. You are the one who needs to know if you are willing to work on your reconciliation with forgiveness, awareness, and love in your heart. 

Try this short visualization: Find a comfortable seat. Imagine you can hug the person you have been having difficulty with, and genuinely wish that whatever happened between you two gets resolved. After that, hug yourself. Yes, you read correctly: physically place your arms around yourself, and take a few minutes to find ease. See if you can explore navigating a soothing warmth within yourself. This may take a few attempts. Try as many times as it takes, and when you find that soothing warmth, take joy in the power of healing and understanding. Enjoy that moment with acceptance and love.

Working things out in our hearts first will help us move forward with gentleness and self-compassion. The next steps are up to you. Genuinely wishing to connect and reach inner peace will free us from the chains and dissolutions of ourselves. That is one step forward and not a step back. These days, moving with care requires us to be gentle with ourselves all the way.