Reflections on “Checking My Ego at the Door”

The greatest teacher and the biggest pain in the butt.

As an Amazon Associate, Breathe Together Yoga earns from qualifying purchases.

ShradhaCripe-ego-BTO

I remember my first yoga at the class where I heard a reference to the term ego. “Check your ego at the door,” the instructor said during Warrior II pose. My friend and I looked over at each other, and I knew we were thinking the same thing – our faces said, “Eww, jerk, check YOUR ego at the door. I don’t have an ego…”

Yup, that’s the ego. It’s been the greatest teacher and the biggest pain in the butt. It shows up at my morning HIIT – a Crossfit-based HIIT with lots of goals to work toward – workout almost every day. I envy the box jumps and pull-ups that others seem to do so easily. One day, I tell myself, as I see if I can speed up my progress. Our coach is focused on form, the right way, and I appreciate it. But, when I’m told to lower the weight to focus on proper form, that ego kicks in. Really? I have to go down… And then, the pleading begins. I can do that weight. I wasn’t giving it my all. Just one more chance, I know I can do it. Pleeease, just one more chance… 

You know who also pleads like that? Five year olds. “This time I’ll do it. Please? Just one more time…” It’s progress that I can now watch this internal dialogue without acting on it. When it shows up, watching it is still hard. Sometimes I cringe, sometimes I can laugh. I’ve realized more and more how childlike it is. No fair! How come I had to do this and she didn’t? My ego gets bruised…easily. Within the same day, I might hear, “Good job! Good form. You’ll be ready to move on in a few weeks.” Oh, the ego’s ears perk up. That’s it! That’s what I was waiting for. I’m rockin’ this workout! My ego seeks praise….constantly.

I’m there very early. I relish the morning time. It’s quieter, calmer with less noise and chaos. But the ego distracts me from all of that. The ego is not quiet or calm. Look at me, already done. Everyone else is still sleeping! I’m so awesome! My ego is competitive. It seeks attention…daily. There are a few times when the ego is not there. I’m in the moment. My progress (or lack of) is simply a measure of what I did that day, perhaps a baseline of where I start, a progressive step, or my body telling me what it needs. More stretching. More resting. The ego is not there to judge who I am or who I am not. It’s not there to judge me. This day, this workout – none of it defines me. It’s a part of me, but without the judgement hovering over me, there’s freedom. There are moments where I relish that freedom.

It still sounds a little woo-woo, doesn’t it? I used to think, Man, yogis read into everything! It’s just a workout. True, it is just a workout. But, that ego is just like your shadow; it’ll follow you there, whether you like it or not. Best to be aware of it. That doesn’t mean it has to be so serious. My favorite reminder to laugh at the ego is lessons from Dr. Suess and Ekhart Tolle, written and told by Scott Grace (a.k.a. “the spiritual Dr. Suess”):

Picture of Shradha Cripe

Shradha Cripe

Shradha Cripe began a steady yoga practice in 2010. With a lot on her plate – work, grad school, and motherhood – she began to look forward to and make time for the brief respite on her mat. As life continued, so did her practice. It transformed from respite to devotion. Again and again, her mat brought her back to herself, helping her connect, regain strength, and find calm and stillness. Eager to give back to a practice that gave her so much, she completed her 200-hour teacher training in Spring 2020 and is currently pursuing her 300-hour certification.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Shine Your Way to Firefly | Izumi Sato

We aim to improve the flexibility of hamstrings and shoulders, as well as the strength in the arms, thigh adductors, and the core. Variations are offered to develop the sense of balance on the arms. It is an exploration of your own expression in Firefly, whatever stage of life you’re in.

Introduction to the Buddhist Mudras | Izumi Sato

Mudras are highly stylized and symbolized as non-verbal communication. In this introduction to the Buddhist mudras, we will learn five Buddhist mudras and the mudras of the five wisdoms, or five Buddhas. After learning the forms and meanings of the mudras, it’s fun to observe the arts such as Buddha sculptures and paintings.

Chanting Gayatri Mantra With Mudras | Izumi Sato

In this mantra, the 24 Mudras are practiced while chanting the Gayatri Mantra which has 24 syllables. Gayatri Mantra is dedicated to Savitri, a Vedic sun deity. Among various translations of the mantra, I introduce the first line by Tias Little and the rest of the lines by Swami Vivekananda.

How Mindfulness Can Help You Navigate Social Media

Now that social media has become an extension of our own communities, a lot of negative perspectives and habits have made their way from the digital world to our real one. By becoming aware of your emotions and actions, you can get past the bad side of social media and enjoy the company of your social circle.

Mindful Vinyasa | Izumi Sato

This sequence is like a moving meditation through Sun Salutations, helping you connect with your breath. Open your awareness to what is here in the moment. Mindfulness between movement and stillness supports your well being.

Full Body Roll Out

Experience a luxurious, in-depth, full-body roll out. We will take a journey up the front line and down the back line of the body, helping us stand taller and dig into common cranky zones (like the low back, shoulders, neck and hips).