I was recently introduced to a poem called “Things to Do in the Belly of the Whale” by Dan Albergotti. It was like embracing a good friend; so many words rang true, and I went into a daydreaming state, reflecting on what to do in the midst of continual COVID-19 precautions. Working from home, sheltering in place, social distancing, face-mask adornment like a new personal accessory – all of these a current part of the fabric of our Summer 2020 reality. 

Albergotti writes,

“Measure the walls. Count the ribs. Notch the long days.
Look up for blue sky through the spout. Make small fires
with the broken hulls of fishing boats. Practice smoke signals.
Call old friends, and listen for echoes of distant voices.
Organize your calendar. Dream of the beach. Look each way
for the dim glow of light. Work on your reports. Review
each of your life’s ten million choices. Endure moments
of self-loathing. Find the evidence of those before you.
Destroy it. Try to be very quiet, and listen for the sound
of gears and moving water. Listen for the sound of your heart.
Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope,
where you can rest and wait. Be nostalgic. Think of all
the things you did and could have done. Remember
treading water in the center of the still night sea, your toes
pointing again and again down, down into the black depths.”

As I read the words of the poem, new words started to spill from my consciousness. It was as if the poem opened up in me a deeper awareness of what wanted to be heard. Maybe, just maybe, these words will do the same for you: create an open portal for awareness and your own truths to spill forth.

Dream. Look. Feel. Review. Endure. Be thankful. Rest. Wait.
These are all things to do while sheltering, swallowed by the gills of what used to be.
Things to do while limited from travel.
Listen to the sounds of my heart. 
Rest. 
Wait.

Dream of all the ways I could spend my time.
Learn a new language.
Grow a beard.
Organize my office, or choose not to.
Look forward to connecting with Mother Nature on a calming walk.

Time feels like a blessing of expansion, hope, and freshness.
I like the feeling of expansion, hope, and freshness.
And yet…it’s not always there.
I still get triggered.
I go ballistic when my teenagers do not want to change out of their pajamas or brush their teeth...all day long.
I want my children to feel a reason for getting up, for changing into fresh clothes, for being grateful to be alive.
Or is this what I want for me?

Living while sheltering in place has been challenging, no qualms about it.
I have visited many dark places: places of fear and deep concern for the future.
Scarcity mentality has taken root, sinking in like the teeth of a shark penetrating my skin and creating a slow bleed.
I didn’t realize how much of my self-worth and self-esteem had been attached to the work I do – or did – prior to COVID-19.

In creating new ways of generating revenue, I can see how quickly I make decisions from fear, rather than stopping to truly consider how the next step aligns with my personal journey.
Is this a luxury of leading a spiritually-grounded life?  
Probably so.  
I don’t see people concerned with where their next meal may come wondering how their actions align with a higher spiritual Self.

And yet, this is where my heart goes.
Generating revenue is something that can be spun a million different ways.
I believe that I will always be enough, and always have enough, in this world.
My Higher Power hasn’t disowned me yet.

I am learning so very much about my own tendencies.
I tend to get small and believe in my own low self-worth stories.  
And still, my inner spirit longs for what is possible and starts fighting back.
I can hear the words, like a consistent breeze flowing on a warm summer day: ”Stand up.  Be strong. Make waves in this world. Be bold. You’ve got this!”

Yes, I’ve got this. We’ve got this.
We rest and wait.
The underlying gift of this pandemic is the time to rest and reflect.
I love the additional family time, the joint effort in creating meals, and the sharing of our days’ activities.
I love working outside with the kids.
I also see how screens and electronics are the antithesis of happy kids and happy families, and it takes a strong parent to push back and identify what is and is not ok.

Boundaries.
Important.
Sheltering-in-place feels a bit like boundaries or restrictions closing in.
Pinching my freedom. 
Pressuring my inner desire to travel and gather with friends.
But, what if…

What if I started to think of these boundaries, or safeguards, as the chrysalis of a butterfly?
Penetrable.
Protective for the time needed, then when the walls are ready to come down, what floats out is a beautiful butterfly ready to spread its wings.

COVID continues to be a teacher of deep compassion, connection, and conscious awareness for what feels truly important in life.
I can trust.
I can wait.
I can love, learn and leap.

My belly, brains, and bold inner being are ready to light the fire of possibility.
And when my inner fire warms the belly of the whale, may the re-entry into the sea of possibility be loving, guided, and embody great transformative energy.