Before I switched careers and followed my soul to writing full-time, I was a pediatric neuropsychologist and specialized in working with children with cancer. I provided psychological support for children and families from the time of diagnosis throughout the course of treatment. When treatment ended, I administered various tests and questionnaires designed to provide information on children’s thinking and learning skills to help them transition back to school and ensure their academic needs were met. The end of treatment never failed to be a time of immense relief, gratitude, and celebration…a time everyone (families and medical providers alike) had desperately hoped to reach over months or even years. At the same time, the end of treatment meant the beginning of something else, and when this time came, caregivers would look at me and say, “So, now what? What do we do now?” 

Caregivers instinctively knew that things would never be the same, not for their child and not for them. There was no returning to how things were before, no going back to life as usual. Their lives moving forward would be forever altered by the trauma they had endured, in ways they anticipated, and in ways they weren’t necessarily sure of but knew they would encounter, nonetheless. Early in treatment, children and caregivers spoke longingly of “getting back to normal,” which meant returning to school, or spending time with friends, or simply being at home as a family; but by the time chemotherapy or radiation ended, no one was talking about going back to anything. It was a difficult truth I watched families face over and over, with astounding strength – there was no going back. And so, we spoke at length about establishing what we called “the new normal.” 

Coronavirus has upended our lives and our world unlike anything most of us have ever experienced. Even as an introvert, I never imagined spending twenty-three hours a day inside my house, leaving only to take a walk or make a quick trip to the grocery store. But, I did it, just like you did, just like we all did. Part of what has helped me get through the past few weeks has been knowing that this won’t last forever, and assuring myself that things will “eventually get back to normal” (ah, universe, what a sense of humor you have in doling out your life lessons!). With bated breath, I have waited for each announcement from Governor Newsom about reopening California, hoping it will bring me one step closer to the life I feel I put on pause back in early March. As shelter-in-place restrictions are eased, however, I have had to face the difficult truth that there is no going back to how things were before.

It’s time to create a new normal.

What will this look like? I don’t know. I do know, however, that I want to transition to this next part of my life with intention, making choices rather than mindlessly falling back into old habits or patterns. If you, like me, are wondering where to go from here, consider spending some time by yourself and contemplating the following questions. You can write out your answers or just hold them in your mind.

• How has my life changed since coronavirus?
• What do I miss most about my life before coronavirus?
• How have I grown or changed during my time sheltering in place?
• What have I learned about myself and/or my loved ones while sheltering in place?
• What knowledge or experiences have I gained while sheltering in place that I want to carry forward and make a part of my life?
• Given what I have been through since early March, what do I want my life to look like moving forward?

Please don’t take this as me saying we should all be grateful for the changes coronavirus forced upon us. There is nothing celebratory about people dying, losing their jobs, or experiencing increased anxiety or depression. Yet, in this time, when we are forced to acknowledge our lack of control in numerous areas, how can we practice yoga off of our mats and keep moving forward, aware of where we are even as we envision where we would like to go next?

To give you an idea of what this might look like, while sheltering in place, as a family, we started taking virtual art lessons from my partner’s sister, a gifted painter. Using Facetime or Facebook live, we routinely gather around the kitchen table with our paints and learn about different brush techniques, how to blend colors, and (perhaps most importantly) how to allow creative expression without judgment. While this initially started as a way to help our kids have something to do that didn’t involve screen time, it’s evolved into something we look forward to, and it’s something we plan to continue even after California reaches phase four of the statewide reopening process. While it’s a relatively small thing, it’s been unexpectedly positive, and that’s something I want to carry forward into my new normal.